Moon in Scorpio till Friday

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Primary Day Blues

It is in these days, when the swirling chaos of a clearly rigged election is crashing down all around my already fragile ears, that I begin to long for the days when things were simpler. Etta James At Last blasts on my earphones and it sounds unlike other times I’ve heard it. It’s not changed or distorted by the cheesy tinge of pop culture, it’s not in a bad film, or commercial. It’s playing on my own two ears, as I look out on a San Francisco that may well have been the same since Thomas Pynchon wrote about it in The Crying of Lot 49. I very may well be carrying on the spirit of Odeipa Mass, confused and heartbroken about the structures that are unraveling and crumbling all around me. Etta clicks off and Scarborough Fair chimes on….all the truth and integrity of Simon and Garfunkel and the precious era of the Mid Nineteen Sixties. When fear was met with action, letters were written with pen and paper, and hearts were broken more gently, with more formality.

The Mid Nineteen sixties is where I often climb inside myself when I can no longer bare the thought of living in this gentrified pre apocalyptic world that has me glued to a computer screen 8 hrs a day to pay a monthly rent that, in the 60’s would have been close to quarter of a years salary. When I begin to feel sad, lost, and hopeless, I retreat to something that is in my distant memory, en grained perhaps by a past life, or just “knowing” what it was to feel the warmth and experiential chaos of this new age.

“In the Year 2525” comes on. It’s now impossible to escape from the impending doom. In the year“ ”5555 Your arms are hanging limp by your side, your legs have nothing to do, a machine is doing that for you” . How far off are these guys? They carry on with their frantic futuristic folk shouts….“You’ll pick your child from a long glass tube”

The Mid Sixties were the end of one age, the beginning of another. The apex point, one brilliant party, one brilliant expansion of consciousness, the realization that we’re in too deep. The fear that we’ve created and live in a monster of injustice. The beginning of the telephone age, the tv age, the eruption of the occult, the growth of fashion, the climax of American cinema, the absolute tops for pop music. The line when there was just enough technology to elevate life, and not enough to take it over.

I often think what folks in the 1960’s would think of us today, in our decidedly cool outfits, Instagramming more than we live, meme’ing more than we socialize, and dating as if we were confused and unsure about every step of the process. Would they want to join in or would they laugh? Foolish or wise? The climax of Generation Y I can’t tell.

Bleecker st.

Surrendering to You: The Bad Girls Guide To Giving Up Drugs

 

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The Bad Girls Guide To Giving Up Drugs, for Good.

Maybe you’ve  felt an energetic shift lately.  Maybe it’s stress that’s finally coming to to the surface, or  a feeling of waking up hungover and thinking “I can’t live like this anymore” or maybe it’s just pure boredom at the same thing every weekend. Maybe it’s the same roll, the same come up, the same chasing after the fuck boi at the clubs so you don’t go home alone. Or maybe the Molly doesn’t work as good as it used too, or you can’t get the “good” blow anymore. Maybe you’ve lost your job, or lost friends. Maybe you got ill, wrecked your car or just thought “I don’t want to do this anymore”

Whatever led you to this point, right here right now, does not matter. Everything forward from here depends on you and your choices. You can live a really amazing life without drugs. It’s hard to see the forest from the tree’s when your in it, but actually taking some time away from drugs and alcohol can lead you to a better life than the one you have right now.

  1. Giving up drugs will not change who you really are inside

You may be afraid if you stop partying people won’t associate you with “that life” anymore and you will be seen as a total square or a loser. You may think you won’t be as interesting without the drugs, or you won’t have that glamorous kind of crutch to lean on. Well actually the opposite is true. When you stop taking drugs and drinking, you actually  start to become stronger in yourself than ever before. Stronger in you personality, stronger in your style, stronger in your aesthetic. The massive amount of energy that you once used on drugs and recovering from drugs will be transmuted  and given back to you. I know its hard to let go of who you think you are on drugs, and how that colors your personality, but I promise you, sobering up will just allow you to blossom into a much stronger sense of who you truly are.

2. You will begin to feel feelings again.

Drinking and drugging often create a barrier that keeps us out of touch with out own feelings and emotions. Once we let this guard down, and embrace our true selves so we can begin to put roots down into the parts of our psyche and subconscious that need us to be there for them. Our mind is made up of more parts than just our ego. We all have an inner child, and other pieces and parts of our psyche that have different relationships to the trauma that we’ve been through in life. When we are constantly putting our bodies and mind into a state of chaos through partying, we frighten the already scared and upset parts of our psyche. The less we communicate with them, the more they retreat, and the harder it becomes to control the weird impulses, and angry cries for attention they bring. the goal of the psyche is to become whole, and to become whole we must be sober enough to be able to recognize and work with the parts of our mind, so that we can hear and attend to them in the best way possible.

3. You Will Lose Friends But It’s OK

If you quit drugs and alcohol you may lose friends. And that’s ok. It’s more than OK because the people that fall away as you stop doing drugs and start to raise your vibration, are probably not good for you, or have your best interests in mind anyways. When we quit partying, we quit giving our energy away to people and substances that do nothing for us back in actuality. When you walk away from that world, you create a safe space for you to grow. People that give you shit about it are so caught up in their own negative energy that, as much a sit hurts to say goodbye, have no place walking with you as you further your path for the time being.

4. You can begin to focus on attracting real relationships, not on  the idiot who won’t text you back.

This is a big one. When we begin to separate from drugs and alcohol and we begin to come back into our self esteem and our own power. Someone on drugs can never truly be a good partner because the drugs at some point or another will come first. Even if you are only casually dabbling, drugs are still stealing your precious energy and ability to ground and stand tall in who you really are and the choices you make on a daily basis. Drugs and alcohol are an easy way to cover up feelings of insecurity, which are problems that need to be faced head on with feelings of compassion for ourselves and the creation of a safe space. Before we can delve into relationships with others, we need to make sure our own relationship to our self is properly in check. When we feel good we can make others feel good. When we are in charge of our self esteem, we can act like the Queens we are instead of begging for attention or playing games.

5. You don’t know how you actually look until you start to clean up

One thing that was super hard to face when your drinking and drugging and carrying a low vibration, is how  I actually looked to other people. When I first started to think about making a decision to turn away from drugs, I remember someone who I respect told me “Watching someone do drugs and drink too much is like watching someone hurting themselves” It didn’t make sense to me totally at the time ( because I was still partying) but after I quit, and had some time sober under my belt, I knew exactly what she was saying. There are so many things people on drugs do that makes them look sad, or like they’re in pain that I never noticed before.

Giving up drugs and alcohol is not easy, but it is worth it. Please leave questions in the comments below! I am here to support those who want to make a life change for the better.

 

In part 2 next week we will cover what/who you need to get this lifestyle going in  the right direction.